Self-Sabotage: “I’m Not Good Enough”

(Watch this video on YouTube)

I realize that it has been a super long time since last posting something on my blog and though, I shifted my priorities around which caused me to think less about – one big factor stopping me from sharing my thoughts whenever I had the desire to was this voice inside my head telling me that,

“I am not good enough.”

I am a student of iPEC Coaching, and they use the term ‘gremlin’ to describe this inner critic in your head beating you down, essentially telling you in some shape or form that you are inadequate. I was coached this evening (8/16/2016) and my coach kept telling me that my gremlin was continuing to chime in throughout our session and it makes me realize that it taints my thinking a lot more than I am aware of.

"I'm Not Good Enough"

My primary gremlin voice

In this instance, she lightly suggested that I begin a judgment journal, where I can write about any gremlins that enter and the situation surrounding it. This is a great starting point for me in being more conscious of these voices.

There is no intention of leaving this post with a lesson other than to share that I am scared. I have my highs and lows. When I am experiencing highs, I feel unstoppable and express myself openly to others, I initiate conversations, I speak to myself positively, and think about my goals and how I can get there.

I also have my lows, where I begin to question my abilities. Whether I am good enough to manifest my aspirations in life coaching and public speaking. Regardless, I am almost always initially scared of sharing my thoughts in a public space in fear of getting scrutinized for my point of view, or lack thereof.

It may almost seem contradictory as a self-proclaimed lifenthuziast and as someone who strives to leave others vibrantly empowered through life coaching, yet I want to be more open with my situation, especially in times when I feel I am in a storm. This becomes a time when I feel most vulnerable and least want to openly express.

However, holding this in only further isolates me from my need for human contact (connection). It perpetuates a pattern that doesn’t serve my greatness.

I have this tendency to demand myself to be enthusiastic across situations, to change my body and voice to come off as more confident. In these times, it can detach me from my underlying feelings if I don’t acknowledge them.

So, I am here just saying that I get scared and I am scared about my future. That I am doubting myself. Maybe I am being too ambitious.

I know that I don’t feel like this all the time, and yet, something is just telling me to share my doubts when I do feel this. When I get into this rut, I feel alone – but I know that I am not alone – that others doubt their worth at times too, maybe even now.

This makes it a critical opportunity to rise above the tide and share.

What do some of the gremlins inside of your head tell you?

Gavin Masumiya

A lifenthuziast seeking new adventures and ways to expand my awareness, while transmitting positivity and vibrancy throughout the world.

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