This was a situation that occurred around 2 months back and I wrote about on the same day, and it was a great way for me to release my steam and confront my thoughts and the meaning I initially attributed to this situation. These questions are a process that was developed my John DeMartini from The Breakthrough Experience, and it was an effective way to turn my frustration into a blessing. I am posting it because it has the potential to benefit others who implement it.
1) Describe the situation
- Going over the situation involving one particular student from 1st year. I got frustrated because he kept talking even when I made it clear that I felt disrespected and was beginning to become more tense. He just said, “Okay” in a sarcastic fashion and kept talking. So, I lost my cool and raised my voice sternly, gave directives for the activity and excluded him from the activity – which is probably reinforcing for him since he doesn’t seem to like English anyway. I was flustered with emotions that I reacted without much space to assess the situation in search for a more effective response.
- He acts like it wasn’t a big deal that he can disrespect who he wants. But honestly, I was the same way when I was in 7th grade. I acted like an asshole who thought I was the shit. I cannot hold him to the same caliber and maturity as I am now. That’s totally unfair to him. He’s fucking 13 years old! I am over twice as old as him. It is clear that he does not take interest in English and I can’t force him to learn what he doesn’t want to. I know that the classroom wasn’t fun for me either. Why would I expect different? My ego was directing in that moment.
2) How was this an act of love?
- It taught me that I am dedicated to becoming more patient.
- He was a reflection of the kind of person I was back in the day, perhaps not in the classroom, but outside of it, which is just as bad.
- Looking back, I am so grateful for those years of having a pissy attitude because I know how far I’ve come since then. It’s good to have some tough love to shake me back in place. People generally learn faster that way.
3) How did that serve me and others?
- It perhaps taught him that people will snap back at him for misbehaving by not respecting others. Not all the time will it happen, but he will get caught one day if he keeps up this attitude.
- Actually, had I gotten reprimanded sternly for my misbehavior growing up, I would have matured a lot faster. To learn that there are consequences for your actions whether you like it or not.
- I see how much I value feedback because I really want to know people’s opinion on what I am doing to track my progress. I am becoming better.
- I learned that there was a more elevated response, and the mild shame I felt after was an indicator that I could have handled it more constructively like talking with him after class rather than on the spot in front of all his classmates.
4) How did that help me?
- It helped me by opening my eyes to my impulses and seeing that I could have handled it in a more composed fashion, and then told him my feelings after.
- Shows me that there will always be room to grow!
- This was also the balance that Demartini speaks of, that if you get too confident, something will come and put you back into place. Into that place of balance, which is from a place of love.
- This centered me because I pondered more deeply and am taking action on it right now by writing about it and asking the JTE what her thoughts were directly after class finished.
5) How did that person help me to become the person I am today?
- He helps me to see that there are some sides I don’t want to come out but it does when I am under pressure.
- Challenges as such foster my growth and that is what I am about.
- Like I said during my speech at Kamariya: Challenge is good and there will be plenty in the future. Get excited in the face of challenge because it means there will be a lot you will learn if you are receptive enough.
- This situation has helped me to write out my thoughts when I am feeling emotional, which puts it all out of my head instead of replaying it constantly like a broken record. Journaling is such an important aspect of my balancing life because it’s a safe place to expose it all, the ‘good’ and the ‘bad.’ And then transforming the situation into a great and divine occurrence that was supposed to happen.
6) How does this particular student and other challenging students bless me and contribute to my mission?
- They teach me that there are many ways to go about a situation, so many. But what would you do now that you can look back on and be proud of like, yea, I did that. I made it happen. I composed myself and respectfully gave them a piece of my mind. I stood up for what I believed in. I stood up for principle over feeling. There will be times when I don’t feel like doing things that I know will benefit me in the long haul, like exercising, eating healthier, and making sure I get up to have my heart to heart Skype sessions, which I’ve missed before and feel a little ashamed about. To be a force for greatness involves continual practice in what I am passionate about and the qualities needed to be more in line with my passions – and warm support and social receptivity definitely complement my professional direction and social desires.
I am glad that I took the time to write about it. It changed my focus and calmed me down by giving me a more mature perspective of the blessing. It has served me well. To that one particular student, thank you.
Note: It’s very interesting how something quite small can provoke so much frustration.
Can anybody relate in some way?